I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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