Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
