So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
