toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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