is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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