Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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