The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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