Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think people are normalizing furries
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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