hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
