Whod you bang
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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