I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
