i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
