is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
