Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
