but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
