i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
