remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
