Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
