i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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