..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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