Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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