i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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