She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
