Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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