So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
