I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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