HIV tests are more positive than that guy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
