Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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