so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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