New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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