I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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