I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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