at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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