i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
