My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
