I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
