It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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