My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I had to cum in my sink.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
