so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
