I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
