According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
