Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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