I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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