absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
