maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
