Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
