my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
