I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
