Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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