Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
