Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
